I'm a 32F system engineer. I worked in the same company in my country for 12 years. I joined as a trainee and left by the end of 2021 as a senior. I have a good amount of respect from my former co-workers and both my former manager and director said that whenever I wish to come back the doors are open.
IT is fucking corporate boys club, over the years I got my honorary membership card but there are some “figurative rooms” I’m not allowed in. I had to develop thick skin to deal with the amount of misogyny that happens daily.
I even though I got praise for my accomplishments, work ethics and everybody says they like to work with me, I can count in one hand how many times I got refer to a different position inside the company ( when it happened felt really good, I was refer by 3 of the most highly respected specialists :D). I never got referred by my teammates outside the company for better positions that paid more, even though that’s a common practice in the field. That really stings, I have a lot of resentment towards it.
I received a great job offer from a headhunter that found me on LinkedIn, with a 40% raise in a global company to learn and work with lots of the hottest technologies in the market and to work exclusively in english. This is a big deal for non-native english speakers because, once you have this experience in your curriculum your job pool expands, basically, to the whole world.
Here is where I think my asswholeness begins:
In this new company there's another position open for someone that’s going to be my teammate in the country, (I have other teammates, but they are from different countries). My manager asked me if I had someone to refer to and the only person I could think of is one former teammate.
This guy, a 28M system engineer is overall a good guy, very hard worker and learner. Don't remember a episode where I saw him being misogynistic
He has a trait that really bothers me: sometimes, he doesn't know WTF he is talking about, but he knows how to sell the idea so well, that everybody believes him. This would be a great thing if we were selling cars, but when I had to juggle to deliver whatever shit he promised, it was annoying. And this is just not MY option, other people expressed this too.
He has a very big personality, funny and everybody likes him, including me most of the time.
I never asked if he would like to interview for the position, but I can’t stop thinking he would do great in the job and it would be a great opportunity for him as it is for me. I know it would probably be a 40%-45% raise for him and I know his wife doesn’t make much, unlike my household where my husband and I are high earners.
I guess I feel threatened that he will overshadow me. The period we worked together was a constant competition on who’s right and who’s better, which did push me to be better and more aggressive (and I can compete fucking hard if needed) but is a very shitty mindset to work every day.
I can’t stop thinking that if the roles were reversed, he probably would offer to his buddies and never consider me.
So, Am I being an asswhole of not referring him to this position?
